Day: July 29, 2010

I’m tired.  Tired of tryng to be liked.  Tired of being on the outside.  Tired of longing for friendships that never evolve.  Tired of not being good enough to be in the inner circle.  Tired of feeling like I’m not important.  Tired of wishing I would be noticed.  Tired of feeling like I blend with the wallpaper.  I want it to NOT to matter that I don’t have any friends that are no more than surface friends.   I literally can only think of 3 close friends that I have had for the past 20 years….2 live in other states and the other lives on the other side of town.  At church, there many surface friendships….the kind where you smile and say hey and how are you, but never anymore than that.  I stand on the outside, watching all the little social groups enjoying each others company, hugging, laughing, talking about their plans for trips together, time together, and I walk on by, disappearing.  Its rather discouraging….I shouldn’t let it get to me….I should be content with Jesus and my family.  I know I should.  I know I want to be.