Nearly 50 and not loving it!

So today I received yet another reminder that I’m just getting older!  My sweet, dear, precious (gag) husband recorded me on his phone in the wee hours of the morning….snoring!  Humiliating is the only word I can come up with.  You can surmise that I have now had a dark cloud of “mully-grubs and can’t-help-its” hanging over my, dare I admit it, graying head!  I rode to work in a cloud (or was that the fog that had settled on West Mobile this morning, I don’t know!).  In 5 short, very, very short months, I will ungracefully fall into that monumental crossover into “old”.  How the heck did this happen to me!  I remember, just a short time ago, looking at people who were or slightly over 50 and think, wow, it must stink to have your life more than 1/2 over!  How insensitive of me! 

I feel my size 6 1/2 foot (can I say here, it was  only 5- 5 1/2 when I married 21 years ago….another reason for the cloud to darken!) beginning to dig in deep to avoid February 6th! 

I sat at the light at Schillinger & Grelot this morning and looked over at this little gray haired lady and thought “Yep, thats me in about 5 years….life is over.”  Even now, inside my head I only feel like 30, but I look in the mirror and see a fat, over the hill, hair graying, chin like a gobbler, eyelids sagging, lines around the lips old woman!  I want to jump in my car and run far far away….but then, I’ll still be there.

There are so many things I wanted to accomplish.  So many things I wanted to be good at.  So many places I wanted to see.  I know I sound like I’ll be dead soon, who knows, but if the next 20 go as fast as the last 20, then heck, I’ll be dead sooner than you think! 

It’s really not fair, you know.  By the time you get this age, you are starting to figure things out, starting to be okay with things that used to drive you crazy, start to look at the world in a different way, then you realize you are almost done with this world.  The one consolation….I get to see Jesus sooner than some!  🙂