So my baby girl has graduated. She’s college bound….somewhere. She’s still in the midst of graduation events with friends and I haven’t seen her much in the last week. It’s hard. I’m not ready to not be a 24/7 Mama. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do now. I’ve been mothering for the last 26 years non-stop….but now? Now I find that I’m more of the keeper of the living accommodations! I know she and her sister still live here, because I see the evidence. My husband and I are usually already down for the night when they return. I peep in on them sometimes during the night, just to make sure they are breathing (old habits are hard to break, right!) How is it you spend nearly every day for eighteen years with someone, loving, guiding, nurturing, and protecting them, then BAM you become invisible? I’m not okay with stolen minutes here and there. I understand the natural process, don’t get me wrong. But we spend so much time preparing them for the big step, we worry over grades, over choices, over their safety and then they are off with a quick peck on your cheek and their graduation robes flapping in the wind!!! We stand there staring after them as they disappear into the distance and think, “Now what?” I think I’m holding on to apron strings that aren’t attached to anything!!!
Am I too old to start to work on my dreams? I don’t know. Do I need to make some changes in my life? I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. All I do know is that I’ve been mothering for 26 years and I don’t know how to do anything else right at this moment. I’m sure I’ll figure it out. But letting go is hard to do. It requires great restraint. Can I get an amen!!!