What I was thinking….


Does anyone out there have random thoughts about life running through their mind 24/7?  This is me driving down the road….”Do people in other parts of the world think about how weird life is.  The whole idea that we’re born, we live, we experience, we get old, then we die.  Should I stop for a Starbucks?  Over $5.00 is a lot for a cup of fru-fru coffee.  Will it start my day off good?  Oh forget it, the line is too long.  Money saved!  How can I make a difference in the lives of the girls in my Sunday school life.  I mean do they even get it.  Heck I don’t even get this whole journey with God about half the time.  God, do you get sick and tired of my endless whining?  What color should I paint the living room.  I wonder if we can have hardwood floors installed by Christmas?  Thanksgiving is coming.  I wanna go traditional all the way….invite everyone….but will anyone come?  Will I ever lose weight?  Do people only see this short, fat woman when they look at me?  Honestly, do they even se me?”  I look over at the woman in the car next to me as she is putting on mascara. “I wonder what her life is like.  Is she happy?  Does she love her job?  Does she know Jesus?  Does she need Jesus?”  Oops, light changes and we all ease forward on toward a job we probably don’t love, doing endless amounts of paperwork for an industry we really aren’t passionate about. Traffic flows along.  “Will I every stop making excuses and get disciplined and start that book that rolls around in my head every day?  Am I even good enough?  How can I spend a week at the beach in the fall…..a week….it’s all I’m asking ”  I ride in pure silence for a few minutes.  “Lord?  Do you have a plan for my life?  Who I have a calling?  Am I even remotely on track?   Do you see my struggles?”  I pull into the parking lot at work and park my car.  “Lord, use my girls.  Call their names loudly.  Show them what you want for their lives.  Make them brave and courageous and I pray they have a passion for you despite the example I have been.”  I watch the cars passing by, rushing to work, and I wonder if they have craziness going on inside their heads like me every morning?  I take a deep breath and whisper “Create in me a clean heart, oh Lord, renew a right spirit within me.” and I open the door.

So you see, it’s no wonder that I am not disciplined…..my thoughts are so scattered.  I really hope I’m not unstable!!!!

One thought on “What I was thinking….

  1. t.g. says:

    When I read this, it felt like a Gilmore Girls rant. …so I looked it up….

    Rory: Sounds like you’re over thinking this. Maybe if you just put pen to paper…
    Lorelai: I tried that. I thought I’d just sit down and write…whatever comes…no judgment…no inner critic…ooh, was that a bad idea.
    Rory: Really why?
    Lorelai: Because my brain is a wild jungle full of scary gibberish…I’m writing a letter…I can’t write a letter…why can’t I write a letter?…I’m wearing a green dress…I wish I was wearing my blue dress…my blue dress is at the cleaners…the Germans wore grey…you wore blue…Casablanca, Casablanca…such a good movie…Casablanca…the White House…Bush…why don’t I drive a hybrid car? I should really drive a hybrid car…I should really take my bicycle to work…bicycle, unicycle, unitard…hockey puck, rattle snake, monkey, monkey, underpants.
    Rory: Hockey puck, rattle snake, monkey, monkey, underpants?
    Lorelai: Exactly! That’s what I’m saying. Its a big bag of weird in there.

    Gilmore Girls 7.11 – “Santa’s Secret Stuff”

    Like

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