Thankful


Today.  Today was the last day of the last treatment for my big guy.  Woohoo!  He’s been a trooper through it all.  He has endured eight weeks of five day stays in Springhill.  He has had 114 bags of chemo pumped into his body.  He has had optimistic days and grumpy days. I would probably have had a lot more grumpy days.  We can honestly and wholeheartedly celebrate Thanksgiving next week!  We are so excited.  We are headed to the mountains.  We planned this trip a year ago.  Lynn has always wanted to go to Gatlinburg for Thanksgiving.  We had no idea what the next year would hold when we gave the kids a year notice to plan for this Thanksgiving.  God is so good!  He knew.  He knew every storm we would walk through.  He knew we would desperately need time away as a family to breathe and be normal.   So we are off to a cabin in the woods.  We will sit around a long table eating turkey.  We will laugh and yes, we will probably cry.  But mostly we will enjoy time together away from the normal we’ve been living in for the last year.  We’ve had good days and bad days.  And He has been faithful.  We have been afraid and confident.  And He has been faithful.  We have been optimistic and unsure.  And…He has been faithful.  Because that is who He is.  He is faithful when we are faithless.

Deep breath.  I am thankful for every storm this year.  Every painful moment, every emotional roller coaster, every shaky moment has moved us to walk a little closer to Him, to hang on tighter to His hand, to acknowledge Him in our lives and to trust Him.  He allowed us to experience the love of His people through texts, visits, emails, meals and hugs.  He took away a job that allowed me to walk every step of the way with my big guy.  He allowed a precious moment with my Daddy hours before he went to be with Jesus.  He had his hand on my new grandson born 5 ½ weeks early without complication for him or my precious daughter. And I watched my big guy walk his beautiful middle daughter down the isle for her wedding. There are a few other storms that I won’t mention here, but in each one God was there, holding me up, brushing the hair out of my eyes and the tears from my cheeks.  I have missed more church then I ever have and I have had to step back in a few ministries, but I feel I am walking closer with Him then I have in a long time, because the walk isn’t based on any “works” or “faithfulness” on my part.  I am not sure if this will make sense to you as the reader, but I know what it means.  It means that inner part of me that sometimes gets a little wrapped up in doing, that pride part of me that rears its ugly head concerning being faithful was taken down a notch or two in the  midst of this stormy year.  I cried out and He heard me.  I cried out and He wrapped His powerful arms around me.  I cried out and He loved me right where I am.  Not because of anything I did or because I deserve it, but because He loves me.

God is amazing people.  We have absolutely no idea what the future holds.  And that’s okay.  Because we know He will be walking with us through it.  I trust Him.

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