My Mom came to visit me last night. I know you might be thinking “Awww, that’s sweet.” But you have to understand this, she died 18 years ago. She has only appeared in my dreams a three times that I can remember over the last 18 years.
It’s not like a scene from my childhood, or a specific memory of her. Not at all. I will be dreaming about something random and I will turn and she’s there, smiling, just as I remember her. No words. She always steps slowly forward and pulls me into a hug. I close my eyes and I feel the softness of her skin, the comfort of her arms around me, I breathe in deep, and even though I know I haven’t been able to smell anything for years, I breathe in her familiar perfume. My arms wrap tight around her shoulders as I bury my face in her neck and I realize I am crying. That deep, painful kind of cry deep in your chest that makes it hard to breathe. She quietly rubs my back and smooths back my hair and I finally stop crying, but my chest is so full, I know the tears will come again. She smiles at me and touches my face. No words. Just love. And then….I’m awake. My cheeks are wet from my tears. It’s been so long since she came to visit me in my dreams. She must have known how much I needed one of her hugs. I hope she comes again soon, I miss her so much and I want to sit next to her and be the daughter again, not the adult I am now, and talk and laugh while she files my nails.
I am certain God sends these visits to me just when I need them most.