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We Gotta Have Faith

I was reading over the lesson for our 10th-12th grade girl’s Lifegroup for tomorrow, when one of the scriptures just grabbed hold of my heart.

Hebrews 11:5-6 “By faith Enoch was taken away, and so he did not experience death.  He was not to be found because God took him away.  For before he was taken away, he was approved as one who pleased God.  Now without faith it is impossible to please God, since the one who draws near to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.”

I know this scripture. It’s not foreign to me.  I’ve heard countless sermons and Sunday School lessons on it.  The church has taught us the priority of faith over works, and this scripture drives home the understanding of why faith takes priority.  Without faith works would never happen.  If we don’t believe he exists, we can’t draw near to him.  And to believe, we have to have faith.  And to have faith, we have to believe.  Without faith and without belief, we have no motivation to do anything.  Sure, we can do things out of habit.  We can become ritualistic in the things we participate.  If we allow faith to slip down the list of priorities, what are we doing anything of eternal value for in the first place?

And here we are in March, 2020, lives altered, the busy-ness of life being ceased, separated from friends, family, schedules, activities and we are struggling.

As I read this verse, a neon light was flashing in my head, “you must return to faith”.  We are good at telling others to have faith, we are good at announcing that we are confident because we have faith and we proudly wear t-shirts and tattoo’s announcing our faith.  But how is our faith when everything is removed.  Suddenly we have more time to do nothing.  To be quiet.  To do projects.  To talk.  No more running here and there, filling all our time with endless activities.  I think God wants us to stop.  Be still.  Return to faith.  I mean seriously get in His Word and really, really read it and understand what God is doing.  He is in control.  No matter what we think is happening in the world, HE IS IN CONTROL.  Things look scary.  An indulged America is not sure what we will do without an endless flow of toilet paper, fast food and entertainment.  It’s time we step back and look at Him and not the world.  Take a close look at your heart.  Where is your faith.

I pray I am not overcome by fear. I pray I do not lose faith.   I pray I do not allow the daily onslaught of what seems like an imploding world to govern how confident I am that God is in control.

I pray I draw near to Him, I pray He approves of me and is pleased with me.  And I pray that he rewards my faithfulness.

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Day 5 of Social Distancing Encouragement

Hebrews 10:24-25 “Let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encoruaging one another and all the more as you see the day drawing near.”

Tomorrow is Sunday.  For many of us, it is the day we get up, get dressed, get in the mindset of worship, and gather together as a church family.  But things have changed.  Tomorrow we will gather in front of our t.v.’s, laptops, and even our phones too tune in together to do church from our homes.  It will be weird.  We may have some glitches.  But we won’t be neglecting to meet together!

As I’ve been thinking about how it will all go down tomorrow morning, I was trying to think of how we can still be believers reaching out to people around us who are stressed, afraid or uncertain, when I found a pack of index cards while I was looking for candles for the birthday cake yesterday.   It was like a big lightbulb going on in my head.  I could put the instructions to access the service tomorrow on the cards and deliver them to my neighbors.  I will tape them to their mailboxes and hopefully they will use the information to join us for “church” in the morning at 10:30am.  Let me encourage you to do the same.

See y’all at church in the morning…..(well, I won’t actually see you, but I will imagine us all sitting together).

Be sure to be praying tonight that everything runs smoothly and that God will move, and lives will be changed.

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Day 4 of Social Distancing Encouragement

Sadly I realized at about 2:30am this morning that I did not post encouragement for today…..uhhh…..yesterday!  And, sadly, the verse I was going to post on was about love.  Not sadly that it was on love, but sadly it was on love and I forgot to post in the midst of all the love going on in our family!!!!

John 13:34-35 “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.  By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

All that love in two verse in John, in the midst of a global pandemic, in the midst of a suggested/requested quarantine, and I forget to post!  Let me state my case for forgetfulness.  I actually didn’t totally forget, but I let the day get away from me.  Yesterday was Molly Grace’s 21st birthday.  The baby of the family.  Our baby girl who loves birthdays and family and cake and is the best present opener EVER!

My two older girls braved the pandemic and hit two stores and a bakery in an effort to try and make it a normal day as possible.  Life is so full of uncertainties right now, we felt the need to do our best to gather and celebrate, before we are forbidden to gather and celebrate even as families.  We found Flour Girls open and willing to let me in to purchase a dozen cupcakes to deliver to her office.  We pulled up to the front door of her work, crossed our fingers they would let us in, even though we weren’t there for an appointment.  I waltzed right in and up to the counter where she sat smiling and surprised. I kept the required 6 foot distance (after putting the box of cupcakes on the counter) and sent all the air hugs possible to our baby girl.   I dropped off the older daughters and went home to begin the preparation for the birthday party.  I found party decor in a box that I had been saving and  decorated the dining room.  I baked a strawberry cake, with chopped up strawberries in it and topped it with cream cheese icing.  We prepared her favorite Shrimp Bisque and set the table.  The family all arrived at 6:00 (thankfully there is no curfew as of yet) and we celebrated her life.  Somehow, in the midst of everything going on, we needed to do something normal.  We have five more birthdays and a new baby coming in the next few months, and we aren’t sure how it will all play out.  We are being bombarded everyday with COVID19, or “the Corona” as we like to refer to it, whether the information is fact or not.  Shelves in stores are getting less stocked as time goes on.  Numbers in our coastal city, Mobile, or creeping up, as they are across the nation.  Weddings and baby showers and other events are being cancelled every day.  School has been cancelled.  Churches are becoming techno smart in order to stay connected with their people.  People are becoming unemployed all around us.  And this verse couldn’t be more accurate today, right now.

We need to love.  We do not need to fear.  We need to celebrate.  We need to remind ourselves and others that God is in control.  We need to be smart, but we need to still gather in small groups if we can.  We need to breathe in and breathe out.

So I am sorry for getting caught up in the preparations for her birthday celebration.  But the gathering of our family did us all good.  It felt normal.  And for a couple of hours of food, fun, laughter and celebration, we loved on each other.

Be as normal as possible.  It doesn’t have to be a “big” deal, but keep on hugging, laughing, and reaching out others, even if hugging isn’t possible.  Happy birthday, today, to all those who are sitting at home, working at a desk or out looking for toilet paper. (I still don’t understand or obsession with this one).

And.  Just for the record.  We only had 9 and 2 little people (ages 2 and 2 months) which could technically be considered as 10.  So we didn’t break the rules!

As a side note…..I am not encouraging excessive touching or spreading of germs. We should all respect the fact that there is a virus out there that is contagious and we should be careful.   So maybe air hugging is the best option for now.  And keep your groups at 10.  And no sneezing or coughing in anyone’s direction!

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Day 3 of Social Distancing Encouragement

Hebrews 10:23 “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering for He who promised is faithful.”

There is a lot of wavering going on.  Whether it is in the news, the internet, the grocery store or in a conversation with friends and family.  Wavering is about “becoming weaker, faltering” and I hear the conversations of people I know ranging from the world is coming to an end to a myriad of conspiracy theories.  But for now, I want us to focus on the conversations of believers.  As believers, people who express faith in an all knowing, all powerful God, we need to stop the wavering.  We know in our hearts that God is bigger than this situation, but our minds are soaking up every news report, every article, every Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter post.  It is causing conflict in our souls.  Stop!  Don’t waver!  Reach out and hold on as tight as you can to the confession of where your hope is, in Jesus Christ!  Let’s be smart, mind you, wash our hands, social distance yourself from crowds, be aware of any change in your physical health, but goodness, move your focus to scripture and worship, and reminding yourself that you trust God above all else. Speak His truth, not the endless flow of true or fake news flowing through the media 24/7.  He is trustworthy.  The world is not.

I am not, in any way, making light of being informed, or of the suffering that is rippling around the world because of this virus.  But we cannot succumb to the fear that satan is using to make us feel weak and vulnerable.  His efforts to divide and separate us as believers will not work.  We’re smarter than he thinks we are.  We are finding ways to connect without breaking the rules or endangering others.  We will still gather and share God’s Word, whether in tiny groups or through streaming connections.  We will pray for each other.  We will find out about needs and devise creative ways to meet the needs!  We are His people.  He has equipped us.  Why?  Because He is faithful.  So shoulders back, chin up and no wavering.

Love y’all!

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Day 2 of Social Distancing Encouragement

Philippians 4:6 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

When I want to really dig deep and understand the meaning of a verse, I often look up key words in the scripture.  Let’s take a minute and do that.  Let’s start with the word anxious.  Listen to the definition:  experiencing worry; unease; nervousness; typically by an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.  Well, there you go.  Sounds exactly where we are walking today and for the coming weeks.  An imminent event. But lets look at another word in that verse, petition.  It means to appeal to authority with respect.

We are walking in times with an uncertain outcome, and as much as we are trying to keep our chins up, we are anxious somewhere deep inside because we are being hit on all sides by too much information…..and we are listening to it.  Now that we have a better understanding of a couple of words in this verse, let’s write it for today, March 18, 2020.

“Do not be worried, uneasy or nervous about whatever is coming in the future, about sickness, about our needs being met or being “locked down”, but in all of these or any situation to come, pray and appeal to God who has authority over everything, be thankful for His love, His provision, His protection, His guidance, His presence and His power in our lives, then faithfully without fear bring your requests to Him.”

There is no need for us to have anxiousness in our hearts.  There is no need to worry.  But there is need for us to be in prayer about every situation, then move on to being thankful for a God who hears.

God is still in control.  He’s got this.  He is walking every step with us.  We need to square our shoulders like the army of God we are, have no fear, and march on.  Be encouraged today to be strong and courageous, not fearful or anxious.  We can trust Him.

Love you all.

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Time Marches On

I just noticed that it has been two months since my last post. A lot has happened in the last eight weeks: Thanksgiving, surgery (for me), Christmas, a new grandbaby, a new year, and I broke a front tooth. Our lives are eventful, if nothing else! Knee replacement surgery December 5th sent me on a road to recovery that included pain meds, physical therapy (pure torture), lots of tears and frustrations, first a walker then a cane, and quite honestly a lot of rest. I have always considered myself to have a high tolerance for pain, I was wrong…at least in this aspect!  I’m still in process, feeling my age, but getting a little better each day. I’m off the pain meds, a personal choice, so the Norco induced bouts of weepiness have ceased!

A beautiful princess entered our lives three weeks early. We Armstrong women cannot seem to carry a baby to full term….but we sure do have beautiful babies! Maybe they are just eager to meet us face to face! Nora Kate arrived on December 31st and let everyone know she had arrived with a fireworks celebration! Or, maybe that was just the city celebrating the new year.  We’ll always tell her it was to celebrate her birth!   Mom, Dad & Big brother are still getting acclimated to having a princess amongst mere peasants! Sam’s name for his new sister is “Puppy”. Which is a step up from completely ignoring her presence. We’ll let it go for now, it will make for a cute story one day.  But for now we will keep Princess Nora Kate in the dark about her brother’s nickname for her for his protection.

Daughter #2 finally has a distinct baby bump as we look forward to the arrival of a second princess. She is beginning to prepare all things possible for baby girl and it’s so fun watching our middle girl researching life with baby and so interested in all that goes with this special event. Such a change for this gifted, goal oriented girl. It makes us smile.

The newlyweds are navigating their way through married and adulting life. Two months in and they are now the proud fur parents of a golden doodle called Milo.  We still think of them as kids, but I’ve got to step back and let them figure out life together and not fret.

As for Lynn and I, we’re stumbling through adapting to an empty nest, but more on that in the next post.

So, about that broken tooth. As if trying to heal and basically learn to walk again isn’t enough, I broke my right front tooth last week. It was horrifying. At least in my mind it was traumatic.  Of course, I had taken a Norco after PT that day, so perhaps that may have contributed to the tears and freak out moment!.  I had fixed myself a healthy lunch, and was proudly limping around the kitchen, when I opened the frig for a bottled water and spotted a Lindor Truffle sitting on the top shelf screaming my name.  I thought “Ohhh I want that.”. Bad decision. It was hard because of being in the cold frig. I eagerly unwrapped it and bit into it.  I felt a click in my front tooth. I thought “That was weird” and when I touched my tooth it felt fine.  I shrugged and sat down to my healthy lunch, but as I bit into the ham and cheese roll up, it clicked again. This time I knew. Horrors. I felt the back of my front tooth with my tongue and felt the break. I cried. I know, big surprise. I frantically called my dentist, and they took me right in.  Now remember, I took that Norco after PT and by the time I got in the dentist’s chair, it was working. I was chatting away.  My oldest daughter was with me and she confirms that I was talking….too much.  In comes Dr Wright. I don’t remember this, but my daughter says it is true. I looked at him and asked him how old he was, and then said, without skipping a beat, “You look fifteen.”   I’m mortified now, but then I was feeling no filter in place on my thoughts escaping my mouth. He was sweet and told me he was twenty-eight. (Still young for a dentist, in my head!). So now I am sporting a temporary bridge right up front. Not on the side or back where no one can see….Right. Up. Front. I’ll get the permanent one the end of February.

Well, life goes on and here we are just a few days from the end of January. I am sure this year holds many more expected and unexpected experiences, and as always, we will take them in stride and know that it’s just life.  This experience will pass, and time will continue to march on.

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Being Obedient

Walking with Christ is about obedience.  It is about surrendering your own will and desiring the will of God for your life.  It is about throwing off the old and putting on the new.  It is about creating in me a clean heart.  It is about doing the hard things, even when we don’t want to.  It is about walking in the spirit and not walking in the flesh.

Yesterday I did something that I didn’t want to do.  Something that I believe God was prompting me to do.  I’ve chewed on it for a long time.  It meant choosing to be obedient. Choosing to suck it up and do the right thing.  Taking the step was difficult.  First I had to play the conversation over and over in my head to formulate exactly the right words.  Then I took a deep breath and made contact.  Then I waited.

It didn’t turn out as I thought it would.  In fact, it didn’t go any further than making contact.  The other person didn’t want to engage.  I retreated, a little confused with God.  So for the rest of the day I pondered it over and over with the Lord and came to a final conclusion.  It had been about obedience.  That is all.  I took a step toward obedience and did what I thought God was telling me I needed to do.  The amazing part is this, I now feel free to move forward without continuous thoughts of needing to do the right thing.  He just wanted me to be willing to do what was hard, and to actually take action toward doing that hard thing.

Not everyone would understand this situation.  Not everyone has all the details.  But that is okay.  It is not about everyone.  I am putting it to rest.  I have done all I need to do in this situation and can move on.

God is good.  He knows us so well.  He knows exactly what we need.  He knows what it will take for us to continue on in this journey with Him.  Obedience.  When I was thinking about this blog post I kept trying to remember a verse that I thought was about being obedient to Him.  I searched and searched with the words I could remember.  Then I found it…..and it wasn’t about obedience.  It was about trust.  I laughed because trust is the ongoing thing He has been teaching me for the last year and a half.  Complete and unwavering trust.  But I guess they go hand in hand.  Trust and obedience really are the same thing!

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths.”  Proverbs 3:5-6

 

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A Year and a Half Ago

I woke up this morning still tired after a night of sleeping and waking and thinking.  My life has changed so much in the last year and a half, and continues to change and move into a new season.  A year and a half ago I lost my job.  But it didn’t seem to matter so much because we were in the trenches of cancer and I was thankful to walk every step with my big guy, holding his hand, praying, listening, hoping.  After the “all clear” words came from the doctor, we went home and just sat in our living room quietly.  The words we had hoped for and prayed for had come.  Now for finding normal.  That was in May and life has continued to move forward as if the year of cancer never happened.  A year and a half ago we were welcoming a new grandson into our lives.  A year and a half ago we were in the midst of planning baby girl number two’s wedding.  A year and a half ago we lost my sweet Daddy.

I began keeping our new grandson when my daughter returned to teaching during this past year.  It has been a joy watching him grow and getting to love on him on a daily basis.  But this past August, when school began again, my daughter decided to put her boy in daycare in preparation for a second baby on the way.  I am told finding and getting into a good, reliable, and desirable daycare is both competitive and difficult.  I had no idea.  So he went to daycare after a year of staying with Lolly.  He loves it and has adapted quite easily.  My man cub is growing up too fast!

So, now, for the last two months I have been trying to figure out what next.  Yes, there are wedding plans still going on for baby girl number three, but that will be over in another thirty-nine days.  But then what?  I guess last night it was on my mind and I would go to sleep, dream, wake up, think about it for awhile, then start over again by filing asleep.  I’ve talked about getting a job, but I’m not sure if I’m even supposed to get a job right now.  I’ve prayed about it, and I get the sense from the Lord that I am exactly where he wants me to be for now.  I’m just having trouble adjusting, even after a year and a half.  I’m trying to find some routine.  I’m trying to write a little each day, even if it is just to blog a short piece.  I’m trying to figure out what the next step the Lord has for me.  I’m trying to establish a regular morning time with Him.  I even got out my daughter’s Kurig and am trying to drink coffee like a real grown up….decaf, of course!  The crazy thing is I can’t remember the last time I had quiet time like this in the mornings.  I’ve been raising baby girls for the last twenty-eight years.  I remember dreaming of slower mornings, peace and quiet, a clean house, time to write and here I am.

For now I will enjoy the peaceful and quiet mornings.  I will enjoy having time to spend with the Lord.  I will enjoy the slower pace.  Maybe I will eventually be able to write about my big guy and I going on adventures.  But today I’ll sip some decaf coffee and enjoy this rainy morning…..and maybe check my to do lists for the wedding, prepare my devotional to deliver to the students on Sunday afternoon, do some laundry, clean the kitchen, make the bed……

For anyone reading this blog, don’t stress over the season you are in at this moment.  If you have a personal relationship with our Heavenly Father, you are not alone.  He is with you.  He will walk with you and guide you.  He will listen to you as you tell Him about your concerns, your dreams, your life.  He truly cares.  Only He can wrap you in a peace that passes all understanding.

 

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He Knows Me….

Today I sat and read scripture I have read many times before, but God in His grace and mercy allowed His presence to surround me and remind me of the truth, He knows me.  I assumed He had led me to these verses for someone else, so I promptly shared the verses with a sweet friend.  My thoughts were sincere, she needed to know that God created her uniquely and that He took time to make her who she is, and He is with her.  He is there when she looks and lives out her life exactly as He planned and He is there when she stumbles and finds herself face down in the pit that tripped her up.  I wanted her to be reminded of that because she is His child, He knows her thoughts, as scary as that might be, and He loves her.  He is “acquainted” with her ways.  There is nowhere she can go from His Spirit.  Such beautiful and comforting words.

Then as I pondered, who am I kidding, I chewed hard on all these words all morning.  While I know they were for her, I believe they were also for me.  A sweet reminder in this season of change, in this time of asking what He wants me to do next, in my searching for the direction I am to go.   I kept going back to one of the verses that kept ringing truth in my heart, “You ‘hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.”  A memory floats around in my mind of one of my girls when they were small.  I see my husband and I walking with a three year old full of energy.  Curious about everything around her, unaware of the possible dangers or obstacles that may be in her path.  We stand on each side of her, watching where we are walking, scanning the area around us, clasping her tiny hands as she struggles to break free and run ahead.  We see an unfriendly dog and my husband instantly pushes her and myself behind him.  I pick her up and stand protected behind him, his arm and hand extended back to protect.  I am reminded that God is watching me, that He is looking ahead, He is scanning the area for any threats there may be, hemming me in when needed, laying His capable hand on me to protect and, yes, comfort from any fears that may arise.

We often think we can get so far from God that there is no way back.   We think, somehow we are capable of going to a place He cannot go to bring us back.  He pursues us, always.  You cannot hide from God.  He knows you.  He’s watching and knows the path you have been on and He is waiting for you to realize He is there, waiting for you to acknowledge Him and call out to Him.  To know that He knows and that He cares.  He won’t push in.  He waits for you to allow Him back into your life.

As you read these verses, take in the comfort and rest in the promise that He is watching and He knows you.  He has plans for you.  He is making a way for you.  He is protecting.  There is nowhere you can go from His Spirit!  Turn toward Him now and be wrapped in His embrace and let Him love on you.

Psalm 139:1-12

O Lord, you have search me and known me!  You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.  You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways.

Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.  You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.  Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.

Where shall I go from your Spirit?  Or where shall I flee from your presence?  If I ascend to heaven, you are there!  If I make my bed in Sheol (hell), you are there!  If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me and your right hand shall hold me.

If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,” even the darkness is not dark to you.

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What Now?

I am in a weird place.  Not like an actual location or anything.  I haven’t taken a road trip that has gone awry.  I am not in a crowd of people that have an agenda I know nothing about.  But now that I read back over those last three sentences, I have to back track and say they all are pretty accurate, generally speaking.  I’ve been chugging along for the last twenty-eight years as a mother of three daughters.  Thirty years as a wife.  And here and there for periods of time as an employee.   I have been mothering, pushing, washing, feeding, nurturing, loving, disciplining, teaching, wife-ing, cooking, chauffeuring, guiding and loving three girls and a husband.  Mixed in with that, I have been teaching Sunday school to mostly 11th & 12th grade girls, serving in Women’s Ministry, singing in the choir, and many other ministries here and there. But today, I am sitting in a quiet house, wondering.  Wondering what now.

I’m not sure who I am now.  Before you become concerned that I am a writer with dementia, I know who I am, but I don’t know WHO I am.   I’m not despondent.  I’m not even downcast or depressed.  I’m trying not to measure myself to unrealistic expectations or compare myself to all the amazing women of God out there making a difference!

I know things I want to do.  Like have a clean house.  Don’t laugh.  It hasn’t been uber clean in months.  Our oldest daughter and her family have been living with us while they are looking for and buying a house.  So, keeping the house perfect has been low on the list and enjoying our grandson living in our house 24/7 has been at the top of that list!!!  I have to say he is the cutest baby you’ve ever seen and having him here has helped us acclimate to being Lolly and Pop, especially considering he’ll be getting a baby sister in four short months.  They are now about to close on their house and will be moving next week.  Our middle girl child has been living her new married life to her sweet man  in a downtown loft.  She is now realizing her dream of working from home and as we’ve always said, we’ll all be working for her one day!   The baby girl of the family is getting married in just over ninety days.  Ninety-four to be exact.  Our baby girl.  She was an unexpected blessing twenty years ago.  I know God has her here for a specific purpose because she was not in our plans, in fact we were done and moving on in life with the two beautiful girls we had!  I have both smiled at her boldness to get married so young and cried that she’ll be off doing her own life without me in ninety four days.  I keep saying she’s not old enough, that they don’t know what they’re doing, they aren’t ready.  But then God reminds me that He created her, He saved her, He has a plan for her life, not me.  She and her fiancé love Jesus and are gonna follow Him, not my plan.

Back to this weird place.  So I am soon to be out of the mothering job and I am not working a job outside our home any longer.  This happened last year while my sweet man was going through cancer treatment.  It was both a blessing and a difficulty at the same time.  But God has taken care of us, as always, and after much deliberation (mostly on my part), my man said he wanted me to stay home.  So this weird place has taken away the two things that have been consistent for some time in my life.  I don’t know why I’m so lost, because I have wanted to have the freedom to write and now I have it.  And yet.  And yet I don’t know what to write.  We write to inspire others.  We write to tell stories.  We write to unleash the words that fill our brains every minute of every day.  I am sure if we could look inside an average person’s brain and the brain of a writer we would see that the writer is constantly writing about life as it is observed.  Always adding to the story.  Always editing.  Always creating. The words never stop swirling.

So this weird place is me standing, no, sitting, in my chair, staring at a computer screen.  Me, looking around at the things that need to be done.  Me, longing to be some kind of spiritual giant that could inspire people to cling to Jesus in every area of their lives.  Me, longing to finally get a handle on losing weight and finally finding victory over the scale. Me, measuring myself up to the expectations in my head and failing miserably.  Me, crying and asking God to please help me be good at something.  Help me find success at something.  And ultimately, just giving in and finding a quiet, cool place in the house to take a nap, to think about these things another day.  I’m 58 years old.  I have no degree.  I’m an okay writer, but not a profoundly gifted writer.  I am not particularly disciplined.  I don’t look like Beth Moore or speak like Priscilla Shirer.  I never quite meet the expectations in my head.  I think I may have wasted this life that God gave me.

This weird place has locked doors right now.  I feel like I’m standing in the middle of this weird place, completely baffled at what I am to do next.  What door do I choose? I’m frozen.  Not sure what I’m supposed to do next.  I preach to my daughters and my Sunday school girls all the time that “God has a plan for your life, now go walk in it”.  But here I am, in this weird place, wondering if there really is a plan for me and, if so, what that plan for my life is!